Satorial: Deccan chargers should play in other T20 leagues

Deccan Chargers - a former DLF IPL franchise should play in T20 leagues of other countries if BCCI doesn't reinstate its status. Earlier BCCI terminated the franchise, then the high court ruled out the decision against them and just recently the SC bombed their plea. This only means that DC has nothing to lose with whatever they do here on. Below are some thoughts about why playing in other T20 leagues may not be a bad idea:

1. Its obvious that playing in other regional leagues like BPL, SLPL, County league, Big Bash and others won't be easy. There will be legal and logistical issues. Some will say- 'How can DC play in some other country's regional league?' 

LMAO. Why can't they and what's wrong in that? And, in case they are not allowed then they should spew another legal battle in that country. No other cricket board is as rich as BCCI to avail services of good lawyer(s). DC are likely to win the case and they can continue to play. The logistical issues can be addressed because they can continue to play on their home turf and need not attend the away matches. Even if they were to attend away matches, they would still not win. So better skip them.

2. DC players claim that they haven't received their dues. Its obvious that all salaries were used to hire expensive legal services against BCCI diktat. Folks, the DC players won't be getting their dues. They will have to work hard for their money. Unlike aviation services*, cricket knows no boundaries. Players should pursue legal education in all countries - including those where cricket is not played. This will help them fighting time to time legal issues for DC and prolong their careers in law. They can even sell DC merchandise on the law campus which will help them in funding their education.

3. And, here's a B-plan if they play cricket in USA. Simple. Outsource everything to India. They can play in India, cut down their costs and get some space on American Prime Shows. In fact, given the huge popularity of WWE and baseball in US, they can modify the game and hire Haryanvi wrestlers who can also play cricket. When one player sledges, the opponent player can resort to his desi aggression style like hurling abuses above 100 Decibels, calling up his bouncer friends in liquor pubs to beat up his opponents arse. As far as the oomph factor is concered, former DC cheer girls can join the crew again.

4. Now, I am sure that some International Relations expert will raise concerns about the DC playing in Pakistani league. Relax. Pakistan will not bomb Hyderabad as it is close to the state of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

(Satorial = Editorial plus Satire. The Opinions are personal)

*Kingfisher airlines begging for help only from Indian govt when they should also ask for help in countries their flights landed.

6 plus 1 Foolproof ways to beat Office Politics

(No matter how much we hate politics, we have to accept it as a part of our lives. I see politics as one of the means of getting things done. In a society, politics is how most of the common goals are met. But, there is a major difference between the Politics to gain power in society and the Politics to gain power in office. I would say the former is more fair as the candidates know each others strategy- Thanks to media. The latter form has all the communications blocked and hence its a difficult world to comprehend. 
In this slice of life satire, I try to put across some ways to cope up the antics of an Office Politician.)

1. Act but do not be dumb: While with your office peers, not only behave as if u know nothing but also prove that u know nothing. The Politician chap only targets those whom he thinks are a threat to his growth. The moment he believes a person is dumb, he would only focus on those who are genuinely dumber than what you initially made him believe. Do not believe me?
Remember visually challenged Javed Jafri in Singh Is Kinng? In the whole movie, he acted as a dumb-blind chap so that eventually he can get the King's throne. His tomfoolery never got noticed and he nearly succeeded unless of course Anees Bazmee decided otherwise. Never underestimate the power of dumbness. Hot girls use their dumbness to unimaginable proportions to achieve their goals.

2. Make friends with a hot girls: The hot chicks in the team apparently knows the most and making friends with them can reap rich dividends. How? Read #1 again
But, what if the hot girl herself is a politician? Read further and discover how to beat her.

3. Get the whole team on Social Networking site(s): Words speak louder than frustrated faces. In every team there will always be someone who never vents out in front of the boss or team mates. He only rants through a social media and considers himself to be an office celebrity. This person not only writes well but also sets the records straight for rest of his team mates. Get this person on board and shoot from his shoulder-whoever you want. Still doubt the idea? Recall the Tharoor-Modi twitter drama.

4. Create hue-and-cry over the politician's mistakes in presence of Supervisor: Tried and tested. Needs no explanation. If you still want more explanation, then please wait and watch till you become a victim yourself.

5. Plan your mistakes : #4 works only in short run because as the time passes the politician chap will adjust their expectations and they won't let themselves be a part of your demented plot! Let me offer an alternative plan.
First make mistakes which you can defend. And, when the politician chap escalates your mistake, point out the defense to your boss. This way our politician chap falls prey to its own shitty plan. This is how also the theory of Karma works. What goes around, comes around.

6. To Contradict is to Contribute: In team meetings, it is expected that our Politician chap will contribute the most gassy stuff. Learn to contradict his points. It may even lead to a team split wide open over issues that nobody earlier cared about. Then you may kick-start your own gang against Mr Politician. Also, never let there be issues between the Politician chap and the boss because then Mr Politician won't contribute and   meetings will be utterly boring.

7. Avoid my first 6 points: Yes, I just said that. What I am going to tell you now is genuinely Foolproof. Do not bother about the office politics. There's life beyond office politics. We all have a choice to quit when a better opportunity knocks our door. Wait for that to happen. But, till then stay up beat and do well. Hard work doesn't remain unrewarded for long.

DU to offer MA in Personal Relationships

(I write because it gives peace. Satire writing is a challenging task. A lot of time goes into perfecting it. I just wont publish it if I am not convinced about the content. Nevertheless, Faking News started the trend of satire reports and here is my small contribution to world of satire reports.)

Continuing it's contribution to the number of jobless Liberal Arts courses, Delhi University today added another course at Masters level- MA (Personal Relationships) under the newly formed Department of Psycho-Philosophy. DU's Vice-Chancellor-Ranchod Jathar, himself a three time divorcee, believes that this course is in lines with university's continuing ambitions to contribute to societal needs without giving a damn to any industry. "We think that there was a need for such a course. The youth is already aware of so many issues these days..Thanks to shows like Satyamev Jayate. However, once the youth step into the their work life, they totally suck in their relationships. Our one of its kind 2 year course offers solutions to prevent failure in relationships. We are confident that people from all age group would love to be a part of this course," he added.

At present, there are 80 seats (Gen-40, Non-Gen-40). The mode of selection will be an online admission test conducted by Brometric over a period of 20 days. The admission test syllabus will comprise of a test of Sexual Orientation, Linguistics and Communication. The raw scores of all the slots will then be converted into standardized scores adjusted for the time period that candidates have/have not spent in their relationship- a part of the selection process which is rather incomprehensible to the candidates till date. The shortlisted candidates will then interview the Department Panel and predict how happy they are in different forms of relationship. The raw scores obtained here will then again be converted to standardized scores based on t-distribution. Department of Statistics will provide its assistance in conducting such a complex yet fool-proof procedure.

The inaugural address of the course will be given by the Tiger Woods- an expert in subject matter of Infidel Sciences. The University officials are trying to rope in Shane Warne and N. D. Tiwari to teach the subject- Modern Promiscuity Techniques and Methods- a rather very important subject given the importance of extra-marital affairs. Rakhi Sawant is offered to teach Swayamvar Economics. However Veena Malik has also shown expression of interest in teaching the same subject whereas the Department has offered her to teach Economics behind Disappearance. Bill Clinton, Swami Nityanand and Rahul Mahajan are others who have been offered guest faculty positions.

However, the educationists have questioned the efficacy of a course which has no Bachelors or even a Certificate course backing itself. Also, there have been rumors about the course being run in partnership with IIPM. If true, then the critics of IIPM may have to accept IIPM at par with DU failing to which they will be forcefully exposed to full page ads in every form of print media. If the plans work out then there are indications that the IIM-A,B,C will hire Prof Arindham Chaudhari to teach Marketing and Branding Strategy. But, wouldn't such move affect the brand - IIPM? Prof Chaudhary remained unavailable for any comments.

Why do managers take illogical decision?

I have had experience of two corporate jobs and let me admit that the companies i worked with were in no sense truly a CORPORATE that I had heard about when I was in college. During my college days, I attended a talk with an alumni who was working with a Big Four Accounting firm. And, those folks had really mediocre academics- pretty much similar to mine. With no admission at any top notch university at the end of three years, I had decided that I'll be following their path to glory. Of course that was quite naive of me. I had not seen the pitfalls that lay in front of me.

Nevertheless, I was hell ready to demystify the corporate world. And, it was in my second job that I learnt more. I think big teams make big learning. In the 18 months at my second job, I realized it was not very uncommon that the management played silly and had to face the wrath of the employees. Even in case of a win-win situation for both, mgmt acted in a win-lose or lose-lose manner. So, when I left, the question I faced was- Do managers become irrational after promotion or were they irrational at the very outset? If latter were true, how did they even reach this far and ruin so many careers?

While promoting/hiring employees, the upper management claims that it judges on certain parameters like - communications skills, performance, discipline, people skills and other gassy parameters. And, despite so much effort they end up promoting/hiring managers who take decisions that defy common sense. Why does that happen? 

Well I found the answer in the Episode 6 of Season 5 of Big Bang Theory. The following conversation takes place between Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler(click on the pic):

Emotions. Folks promoted to the top are expected to be devoid of any emotion or feeling. It's simple- when on top- be it in bed or office, what matters is not how gentle are you but how ruthless can you be!

It would certainly be not easy for an intelligent person to be bad as the guilt of being bad will bother him. On the contrary, its easy for an idiot to climb the corporate ladder as he is never going to think much about doing about all wrong stuff. This implies that he'll end up taking idiotic decisions.

Disclaimer: Usual pathetic long disclaimers apply.